Aries
March 21 - April 19
Scully, you won't believe the cosmic revelation I just had! My horoscope says that today I should be seeking adventure in my social life and romance.
Mulder, you don't actually think a horoscope holds any truth, do you?
Absolutely, Scully! It says I need to expand my view of life. Maybe that’s why we keep running into all those extraterrestrial experiences. They must have all the romance and adventure!
Or maybe they’re just dangerous. You said it yourself; some of those encounters haven’t exactly been... romantic.
But think about it! It's telling me to explore exotic locations and connect with stimulating friends. We could go somewhere like that abandoned research facility we heard about, a perfect blend of danger and thrill.
Or we could just have a nice dinner without risking our lives. That could be an adventure, too, you know.
Not the same! The stars want me to be entertained and informed. What if this is a sign that we should delve into the unknown together, like that time with the shapeshifter? There was plenty of intrigue!
You could also get killed during those adventures, Mulder. Sometimes sticking to what we know is a smarter choice.
But the horoscope says I will take pleasure in reading good books! That’s a sign, Scully! Maybe if we find a fantastical novel set in a parallel universe, we could gain insights.
Or we could just grab coffee and discuss quantum physics—now that's probably safer.
Boring, Scully! The cosmos wants me to live a little! Come on, we can discuss quantum physics at the bottom of a deep cave after a thrilling chase.
You do realize, Mulder, that horoscopes are just entertainment, right? They don't dictate our actions.
Maybe, but what if the universe is trying to guide me toward something extraordinary? I can't ignore that possibility!
And I can't ignore that you’re running the risk of getting us dangerously lost in that 'extraordinary' path you're envisioning. Just think it through, okay?
Fine, fine. But I'm still keeping an eye on the stars tonight. You never know when you might meet a stellar companion.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Scully, you won't believe the horoscope I just read. It says I'm entering an intense, secretive phase in my emotional life.
Let me guess, it means you’ll be even more paranoid about the government watching you?
No, no! It says I’ll either love or loathe people. There won’t be an in-between. Isn't that fascinating?
This sounds suspiciously like your usual outlook on the human condition, Mulder. Are you sure you didn’t read your own bio?
I'm serious, Scully! It's about living life at a profound level. I won't care for anything frivolous. It's like the time we encountered that... well, you know, that situation with the otherworldly being who had profound feelings.
You mean the one who almost took you? Or were you talking about the one who thought emotions were a weakness?
Exactly! I’m going to be more secretive, just like that. Only you, of all people, might catch on to what's going on in my mind!
So you’re saying I should be reading your mind now? That's a lot to ask, especially considering I can't even figure out if you want Chinese or pizza for lunch.
But that’s the beauty of it! This phase means I’ll only invest my emotions in people who matter. Like you. I care about our work and our bond. The horoscope has spoken!
Or it could be just a collection of vague phrases that mean nothing. You know how these things work.
Ah, Scully, where's your sense of wonder? This could be the key to understanding the universe's cryptic messages!
You mean to say you’re basing your emotional decisions on a horoscope? I thought you believed in evidence.
It's all part of the conspiracy—the deeper truth! Plus, it’s just a little fun to consider, right?
Fun, maybe. But you might want to separate profound feelings from the idea of a cult alien force trying to take over your mind.
You may be right, but maybe it's all connected! Either way, I have a strong feeling about this phase... or a loathing. We'll just have to wait and see.
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Scully, you won't believe the horoscope I just read. It says I'll be in top social form for the next few weeks!
And why would I believe that, Mulder? What kind of cosmic alignment could possibly understand your social skills?
No, really! It claims I’ll charm the birds right off the trees! Can you imagine the possibilities? I might even become a social butterfly.
Social butterfly? More like a moth drawn to a flame. Remember what happened last time we tried to socialize with a group of strangers?
Come on, Scully! This horoscope says I’ll be charming and that I'll say what people want to hear. It’s all in the plan!
And what about being sincere? The last thing you need is to be perceived as insincere, especially if we're investigating something like that mysterious cult last month.
But it’s all about my closest relationships improving! Can’t you see how this could work in our favor? Like with—well, the way I handled the last case involving the 'friendly alien.'
Those 'friendly aliens' didn’t exactly have a great social following either, Mulder. Popularity based on charm alone can backfire.
But think about love! The horoscope suggests I’ll be radiating attractive vibes not just to that special someone but across the entire social spectrum.
Lovely sentiments, but don't forget your last relationship was 'out of this world' in more ways than one. How will this time be different?
This time I’ll be more attuned! The universe wants me to shine, Scully. Can’t you see the stars aligning?
I see your tendency to get over-excited about things you read. Just remember, words in the cosmos don't solve real-world problems.
But what if they do? Wouldn’t it be fascinating if my horoscopes were actually guiding my path? You of all people should appreciate a good conspiracy!
If your path leads us to a tangled web of misunderstandings and failed connections, I’ll hold you accountable for taking this too seriously.
Then let's test it out! Together, we can navigate this charming new phase, showing the cosmos who's boss!
Just remember to lead with sincerity, not charm, Mulder. Or we might just both end up with a case of the 'invisible friends' again.
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Scully, you won't believe what my horoscope said today! It's like it knows me. Apparently, I'm going to throw all my emotional needs into work for the next few weeks.
You mean like you always do, Mulder? You can't really rely on a horoscope to guide your emotional life.
No, no, Scully, this is different! It specifically mentioned that I might seem a bit standoffish at social occasions. Can you imagine? Like when we met that informant last week and I barely said a word.
Or maybe that's just how you tend to act when you're focused on the case. The emotional needs part just sounds like your usual workaholic tendencies.
But think about it! It also hinted that romances could spring up around my everyday chores. What if I find love while doing laundry or at the office?
Mulder, I seriously doubt you’ll find the love of your life at the bottom of a pile of dirty clothes. Don't you think that's a bit far-fetched, even for you?
Hey, you can never underestimate the cosmic forces at play. I mean, we’ve seen stranger things happen. Remember that case with the ghostly romantic who haunted the historical society?
Yes, and that was a case of someone seeking closure, not a cosmic matchmaking service. You really should just focus on your work and not get lost in the stars.
But it also said I'll take pleasure in doing things with care. This is practically a call to action! Maybe I should debrief with more delicacy, you know, take up flower arranging or something.
I can't believe I'm hearing this. Mulder, you're a little too invested in horoscopes. Focus on what matters: like our next case, not your laundry.
Right, but just think—if I find love in the process, it could make hunting monsters even more rewarding. How cool would that be?
Cool? Sure. But maybe pursue relationships outside of a horoscope and a case file next time. Just a thought.
Fine, but if I suddenly find a soulmate while organizing evidence, don’t say I didn’t warn you! The universe has a plan for me, Scully!
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says my naturally sunny temperament is going to keep me popular!
Mulder, we both know that your idea of 'popular' might just mean dragging everyone into your latest conspiracy theory.
No, no! It says I’ll be putting on a great performance, entertaining everyone in sight! Just like when we brought that psychic to the precinct and everyone was captivated!
Great performance? You mean when most people were concerned about their safety? I think they were more horrified than entertained.
But this time it's different! It mentions glowing when I have an appreciative audience. Can you imagine the crowds? I could start a fan club!
A fan club for what exactly? Leading people to believe in shadowy government secrets? Your ego might be the only thing glowing here, Mulder.
It also says I’ll enjoy myself and be dramatic! Imagine me at a party, captivating everyone with tales of alien abduction or government cover-ups!
You mean like the time you convinced everyone the cafeteria served extraterrestrial cuisine? I’m sure that was a real hit.
Exactly! My exuberant personality will make me a hit, Scully. This is my moment to shine!
Just remember, Mulder, there's a thin line between being a hit and just being...well, you. Maybe read the horoscope again, just to be sure.
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Scully, I've just read my horoscope, and it’s like a roadmap to my life for the next few weeks.
Oh really? Let me guess, it says you're destined to uncover the truth in your endless quest for aliens.
Well, not quite. It says I'm going to be more sensitive and emotional than usual. Can you believe it? I want happy family relations and a peaceful domestic existence.
Sure, Mulder. Because when I think of you, the first thing that comes to mind is your great capacity for emotional stability.
No, no—hear me out! I’ll be expressing more affection for my close family. I could even have you and some other friends over.
You mean you want to host a cozy little get-together? You’ve just spent weeks chasing the paranormal, and now you want to entertain?
Exactly! It’s all about sorting out my domestic arrangements. Everything has to flow smoothly, like a well-organized X-File investigation.
I’m skeptical, Mulder. You barely keep your apartment tidy, let alone organized enough for a gathering.
But I have an intuitive feel for all of this! I’ll know exactly what’s happening. It’s all in the stars.
And what if there's a slight whiff of criticism? Shall I prepare for a Mulder meltdown?
Trust me, Scully. I’ll just take it in stride. Besides, when it comes to handling the unexpected, I’ve faced worse than a little family drama.
Sure, like that time with the bumps under the skin. You handled that with great poise.
Exactly! So let’s just embrace this new emotional side of me. Can you see it? Warm gatherings, laughter, no alien invasions... at least for a while.
Right, until the next extraterrestrial crisis interrupts your happy domestic vision. Good luck with that, Mulder.
Libra
September 23 - October 23
Scully, you won’t believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says that nothing will make me happier than peaceful conversations with all the people in my life.
And you think that includes your conspiracy theorist buddies, Mulder? I doubt they’re known for their peaceful conversations.
No, really! It mentions friends, neighbors, even workmates. Picture it: us, having deep discussions about the meaning of existence without any interruptions from rogue agents or alien enthusiasts.
Deep discussions, sure, but I’m not sure ‘peaceful’ is the word I’d use considering our last visit with that informant.
Come on, Scully! My horoscope also says I’ll be charming in conversations. It’s practically a gift from the universe.
Charming, huh? I guess this means I should brace myself for your endless theories about paranormal chat etiquette then.
No, really! It says I’ll be persuasive too. If I can convince you to believe in the benevolence of extraterrestrial beings, then I am in my element.
And I’m sure I’ll be debating scientifically grounded logic right out the window with you, won’t I? Just remember, Mulder, persuasion doesn't equate to truth.
But that’s the beauty of it, Scully! If the everyday people in my life are supportive, imagine the discussions we can have! Think of the possibilities!
I'm all for meaningful conversations, but let’s not get carried away. Just don’t forget that not every charm comes from the stars.
Scorpio
October 24 - November 21
Scully, you won't believe what my horoscope says! I'm irresistibly attracted to beautiful, luxurious things over the coming weeks.
And you think that means you're going to start buying a new car or something?
Not just any car, Scully. Something sleek, like one of those vintage collectibles. I mean, if I'm going to drive around, I might as well do it in style.
Or maybe you could invest that money in solving actual cases instead of chasing after material possessions.
But it says I might be trying to compensate for a lack I feel elsewhere! Can’t you see? It’s all connected! Like when we first encountered the phenomenon of the solid gold alien artifact.
Whatever it is, Mulder, that doesn't mean you should conflate love and money. Just because you’re not receiving lavish gifts doesn't mean you’re not valued.
But think about it. There are people who are drawn to the finer things because of past traumas. The truth is often much more valuable than the objects we surround ourselves with.
True, but I've never known you to drown your sorrows in gold and luxury. Maybe you should focus on what truly matters.
Okay, fine. But can I at least get one nice piece of art for my office? Something that doubles as a conversation starter—ask anyone about the fact that art can mimic anxiety or the human condition!
As long as it doesn’t cost more than a month's salary, Mulder.
Deal! After all, who knows how long we’ll be working together before the mysterious forces of the universe decide to separate us?
Right. Because cosmic forces are definitely swayed by whether or not you have a new piece of overpriced art.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Scully, you won't believe the alignment of the stars today. My horoscope says that what I really want is peace and harmony!
That's great, Mulder, but maybe you should focus on solving actual cases instead of just 'peace and harmony.'
No, Scully, hear me out! It says I'll be trying to iron out problems and act as a peacemaker. I could be like the UN of the Bureau!
Right, because the last time I checked, the UN doesn't deal with extraterrestrials or paranormal phenomena.
Touché. But as long as I avoid that pitfall of not standing up for my rights, my natural charm will do wonders! Imagine it – Mulder, the charming peacemaker!
You do realize you’re more likely to charm a hostile alien than a bureaucrat, right?
Noted. But here's the kicker: my popularity rating is supposed to stay high. The universe is aligning, Scully. I could start a fan club!
Your fan club? That would be a gathering of conspiracy theorists, Mulder. Not exactly the embodiment of peace and harmony.
True, but just wait! With the compliments coming my way for my appearance, I'll be putting my best foot forward. Social butterfly, FBI style!
And when those compliments fade because you've overstepped your bounds again? Just please, try not to charm anyone into believing the impossible.
Scully, the impossible is just another unsolved case. And besides, the stars have my back.
Sagittarius
December 22 - January 19
Scully, you won’t believe what my horoscope said today. It’s like the universe just reached out to me personally.
Let me guess, another sign that you’re destined to change the world or fight the good fight?
Close! It says what I really want is peace and harmony. I should act as a peacemaker, you know, iron out the problems.
So, you’re going to become a mediator instead of chasing down government conspiracies? That’s ambitious.
No, no, hear me out! As long as I avoid the pitfall of not standing up for my rights, my natural charm will work wonders! I mean, who wouldn’t want to be around a charismatic guy like me?
Your charm could also lead people to suspect your motives, Mulder. Just look at how people reacted when you brought up Henrietta in that case last month.
Ah, but I’ll be putting my best foot forward in social company. The horoscope hints at a high popularity rating, Scully! Compliments, even!
Let’s be honest, Mulder. A few compliments won’t mask the fact that you can’t help but get embroiled in supernatural drama.
But this time it’s different! The stars are aligned! They suggest that I’ll attract compliments for the care I take over my appearance. Imagine me as an icon of elegance at a gala!
Icon of elegance? Mulder, just because you take a shower doesn’t mean you’ll wow anyone at a gala.
You underestimate my powers, Scully. With the right attire, people will be drawn to my appeal, like moths to a flame, or perhaps like those agents to a Mulder-centric mission.
Just remember, it’s not all about looks, Mulder. Your charm won’t save you if you start getting too wrapped up in your own delusions of grandeur.
Hah! You know me too well. But let me dream, Scully! At least let me have my moment as a charming, peaceful peacemaker.
Just don’t forget about standing up for what’s right, even if that means confronting your own folly first.
Deal. Peace and harmony, with a side of Mulder-like defiance.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Scully, I just read my horoscope for the upcoming weeks, and it's like a cosmic revelation. I mean, large social groups, team relationships at work, and a ton of invitations? Sounds like a conspiracy of good luck to me.
Mulder, you do realize horoscopes are vague enough that they can apply to anyone, right? Besides, when was the last time you enjoyed a large social gathering?
Oh, come on! It says I'll be putting others at ease like it's an FBI interrogation. I can't help it if I'm a natural team player. Remember when we teamed up to confront that… well, you know, that thing in the woods?
That was more about survival than socializing, Mulder. And I'm not sure your idea of team-building involves running from mythical creatures.
But that's precisely it! My horoscope also warns against jealousy and possessiveness. Just like with that guy who had the ties to the cult. I won’t tolerate that in my 'friendship circle.'
If you're going to base your pronouncements on astrological advice, then who knows what trouble you might invite, Mulder. It sounds more like a recipe for chaos than camaraderie.
Or it could lead to extraordinary collaborations, Scully! Elbow room means I can spread my ideas without someone breathing down my neck. Just think of all that time we’ve spent unraveling the mysteries of the unknown together.
As long as those mysteries don't involve dramatic gatherings with self-proclaimed oracles offering cryptic advice. Just make sure you don’t let this horoscope dictate your decisions.
Oh, you know me. I take everything in stride. But I will seize the open invitations, and embrace my role as the sociable, peace-bringing Mulder. It's practically written in the stars, Scully!
Sure, Mulder. Just make sure the stars don't lead you into an alien abduction or something. There are limits to how much optimism a person can take.
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says that the position of Venus in my chart means I'm going to be using my charms to impress influential people.
Really, Mulder? You’re basing your entire approach on a horoscope? That's not exactly scientific.
But think about it! Flattery will get me everywhere. If I shower compliments, I'll win over the higher-ups. It’s practically a strategy.
Or you could just do your job. Since when has flattering managers ever led to a successful case?
But the horoscope clearly states I should focus on my appearance too! I mean, have you seen how sharp I look in that new suit? I could lure in a rogue alien just with my glossy charm.
Mulder, you know it's not your appearance that gets results in the field. Maybe it’s your intellect or—dare I say—integrity.
True, but imagine combining those qualities with some well-placed compliments! I could have Mulder 2.0: smarter, sharper, and more charming than ever.
Right, because nothing says 'serious investigator' like handing out insincere compliments. I'd rather stick to the facts, thank you very much.
You say that, but it’s just about being relatable! I want to be admired, Scully. Like a charismatic hero in a movie—people need to look up to me!
So what you’re saying is that you'd rather be a charming figure than find the truth? That seems... uncharacteristic.
No, I mean, I'm going to find the truth; I just want to look good doing it! My inner feelings are crucial too, you know.
Which means you have to be genuine, Mulder. It's important to be true to yourself, even if you suit up for the role. Just don't forget who you really are.
Right. I’ll find that balance. Here's to Venus aligning with the truth! Maybe I should thank that psychic we met last week for this cosmic insight.
Just don’t let it go to your head, or you’ll end up like those cult followers we investigated. Charm isn’t everything.