Aries
March 21 - April 19
Scully, you ever think about how certain days just feel, I don’t know - extra resonant? Like, the air hums and you can almost hear your thoughts echo. I just read that I’m supposed to experience exceptional levels of psychic sensitivity today.
Mulder, that sounds suspiciously like you giving yourself an excuse the next time you claim you can sense alien abductions across state lines. What exactly does 'exceptional levels of psychic sensitivity' mean for the rest of us?
It means, Scully, that maybe I’m finally tuning into the universe’s radio frequency. Like that time in Oregon - I felt something was off before we even got out of the car. The horoscope says I should document my visionary impressions. Maybe I’ve been neglecting that. Maybe I need to start journaling these hunches. 'Courageous steps define your path,' it says.
You mean to tell me you’re going to start keeping a diary of your gut feelings? Should I be worried you’ll use it as evidence the next time we’re called into Skinner’s office?
I think you should be impressed, Scully. Also, it mentioned boundaries and spiritual sides. Maybe I need to be more selective about which cases I let under my skin. Or which shapeshifting bounty hunters.
Setting boundaries would be a first. How does your 'spiritual side' fit into all this, aside from your encyclopedic knowledge of psychic phenomena and ability to quote obscure folklore?
Apparently, my emotional maturity is developing, too. Responsible commitments, stabilizing influences… It all sounds very domestic. Maybe I need a plant.
You could try watering it more than you water your sunflower seed habit. And Mulder, what’s with the 'mermaid wrestling a shark' bit? Are we talking metaphorical dreams, or are you planning to go swimming off the coast of Maine next weekend?
I like to think it means that even when I’m chasing dreams - or monsters, or government conspiracies - I can handle the sharks. It’s all about courage and intuition swimming in the same ocean, Scully. Just don’t be surprised if you catch me sketching mermaids in the margins of my reports.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
You seem contemplative this morning, Mulder. Planning to tell me where your mind’s drifting off to, or should I hazard a guess?
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and I think today’s the day we crack something big. ‘A soothing presence calms your way,’ it said. Tell me that doesn’t sound like you.
Is that your professional diagnosis, or do the stars say I’m responsible for your emotional well-being now?
The stars don’t lie, Scully. Apparently my psychic sensitivity is reaching exceptional levels, which could finally explain why I keep having these ‘impressions’ about our cases. Maybe I should start keeping a journal like the one I found in that cabin in the Smoky Mountains - you saw how useful it was.
You do realize that was the rambling of a man convinced Bigfoot was communicating with him telepathically? I hope you’re not suggesting moss on a gold coin has a message for us too.
Funny you mention that. According to the lunar influence, when the sacred and practical entwine, that’s when we stumble on the truth. Maybe a little moss is just what the Bureau needs to finally tie some loose ends together. Sacred and practical, Scully - like us.
You also read that boundaries need conscious maintenance. I assume that means you’re not planning to break into anyone else’s house looking for evidence of ley lines today.
Only if absolutely necessary for the case. Look, it says emotional maturity develops through responsible commitments. That could be a sign that our work together is about to be recognized - maybe even lead to a transfer out of the basement.
Mulder, if horoscopes are suddenly dictating our social connections and long-term domestic planning, I think you might have been spending too much time at the vending machines. But I’ll play along - what’s your visionary impression about today’s paperwork backlog?
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You look even more contemplative than usual, Mulder. Did you finally solve the newspaper crossword, or are you communing with spirits again?
Actually, Scully, I was just reading my horoscope. It claims I'm about to experience a dramatic surge in curiosity and unpredictable changes - especially in my, uh, romantic connections. Apparently, I need to stay flexible to preserve what really matters.
So, you’re basing your day on an astrological projection? Now I’ve heard everything. How are the stars affecting your search for the truth this time?
Think of it: shared sensitivity in domestic and professional relationships, a psychic enhancement! The horoscope says I should harmonize with the energy around me, which could be exactly the edge we need. Maybe it’s like that time I saw those messages on the Ouija board - sometimes intuition is the key.
Mulder, if nurturing Gemini energy had any bearing on career ambitions, I highly doubt it would manifest as deciphering cases involving chess-playing ghosts or shapeshifting employees. Isn’t it possible these changes are just the normal unpredictability of daily life?
Except the lunar influence mentioned here - crossword clues in disappearing ink, Scully! The answers dissolve into more questions. Doesn’t that sound like our entire investigative history? Every time we think we’ve solved something, reality changes the rules.
Or it could mean you need a new pen. But I suppose if you want to interpret random events as cosmic signs, I can’t stop you. Just don’t expect Skinner to approve a horoscope-based report.
Don’t worry, I’ll save the stargazing for after hours. Still, keep an open mind today, Scully. If my psychic sensitivity reaches exceptional levels, you may want to have me checked for extra-terrestrial contact.
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Mulder, why are you drawing circles over your desk calendar again? You're going to wear a hole through the paper.
Scully, have you ever considered that our paths are shaped by deep, almost primal instincts? I just read my horoscope, and it more or less confirmed what I’ve been suspecting lately - my psychic sensitivities are off the charts right now.
So, what you’re saying is that the stars are responsible for your recent obsession with documenting every single dream you had last week, including the one where Frohike was mayor of a town made entirely of mirrors?
Exactly. My horoscope said creative professionals should write down their visionary impressions. If I don’t put it on paper, who will? Besides, maintaining boundaries has become vital, especially after that incident with the fake psychic in New Mexico.
And where do emotional maturity and responsible commitments come in, Mulder? The only domestic planning I’ve seen from you involves stocking up on sunflower seeds and bins of unsolved case files.
You know, Scully, stabilizing influences aren’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s just accepting your role - like when my dad’s choices collided with mine, and I had no choice but to step up. That’s intergenerational growth. I think the Universe is literally telling me to embrace it.
The Universe, or your horoscope app? Next thing you’ll tell me, you’re interpreting moonlight reflections as a sign that reality and imagination are merging.
You laugh, but last night I saw the moon reflecting off a floating dock, and for a second, I couldn’t tell which side was real. It felt like time was bending, like when you saw those lights in the sky over Bellefleur. Maybe it’s all connected. Maybe I just need to trust the signs.
Or maybe you need some actual sleep and a good breakfast. But Mulder, I’ll keep my mind open - as far as science allows.
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Mulder, you've been staring at your phone for five minutes. Please tell me you aren't reading your horoscope again.
Scully, it's uncanny. Listen to this: A golden glow is supposed to lift my spirit today, and my psychic sensitivity is off the charts. Honestly, between this and that time I saw a glowing boy in Wisconsin, I think the universe is trying to tell me something.
Mulder, please tell me you're not conflating vague online astrology with actual scientific observation. Your ‘golden glow’ could just be the office fluorescents after Skinner replaced the bulbs.
But it says creative professionals should document their visionary impressions. That sounds exactly like keeping a case journal, or maybe… recording the impressions I get from all those ‘unexplainable’ events you keep writing off.
So now you’re saying your ‘visionary impressions’ are psychic readings? Mulder, your boundaries definitely need some conscious maintenance if you think that’s scientific.
Boundaries, Scully! It's about inner transformation. Maybe it’s the universe nudging me to finally get around to organizing those files in my apartment. It says emotional maturity develops through responsible commitments and that could mean finally replacing that fish tank I lost after the 'roach' incident.
Mulder, your definition of emotional maturity seems questionable at best, but domestic stabilization is probably overdue. Does your horoscope also say anything about not leaving sunflower seed shells all over Bureau vehicles?
Actually, it says something about long-term domestic planning and intergenerational relationships. Maybe it means I should finally call my mother back - or, you know, adopt a pet.
Just remember, Mulder, ‘psychic sensitivity’ doesn’t excuse you from paperwork. And unless you’re planning on swimming with peacocks, keep your flamboyance out of our next debrief.
Come on, Scully, can’t you see? The lunar influence is like a peacock swimming through alien depths! It’s flamboyant adaptability. If a peacock can do it, so can I. Besides, you of all people should know by now - sometimes, things are stranger than science can explain.
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Scully, you ever feel like your resolve is suddenly... sharper than usual, almost as if the universe is giving you a cosmic pep talk? I just read my horoscope and it says today my emotional maturity is about to leap forward. Which, I think, is long overdue - given everything we’ve been through with government secrets and shapeshifting clones.
Mulder, I’m not sure the stars have anything to do with your so-called emotional evolution. Are you saying today you’re finally going to start acting like an adult?
That’s exactly what I’m saying, Scully. Apparently, this newfound stability is supposed to help with my long-term planning. Maybe it means I should finally take some time to deal with those boxes in my apartment instead of chasing after more men who might actually be aliens.
Or maybe it means you shouldn’t impulsively travel cross-country every time you get an anonymous tip. Tell me - what else does your enlightening daily prophecy entail?
It suggests that my psychic sensitivity is reaching ‘exceptional levels’ - so if I start picking up on unspeakable truths from the ether, don’t be surprised. I should be documenting visionary impressions. Maybe they’ll help us crack open whatever the Syndicate tried to bury.
Visionary impressions or hallucinations, Mulder? Let’s just make sure you’re not confusing intuition with lack of sleep. And how are those boundaries the horoscope mentioned coming along?
Working on it. I think it's all about recognizing which relationships are worth defending. After all, even a librarian has to draw the line somewhere, especially if they're shelving dreams, Scully. Some things just can’t be cataloged - even if you try.
I suppose that makes me the rational one, trying to keep your so-called dreams organized. Just don’t expect me to start reading horoscopes to solve our next case.
Libra
September 23 - October 23
Scully, you're not going to believe what my horoscope said this morning. Apparently, my journey is being colored by 'diplomatic flair.'
Diplomatic flair, Mulder? I assume you don't mean you finally plan on filing an expense report politely.
No, Scully, it's deeper than that. It suggests emotional maturity develops through responsible commitments. Maybe it's referring to both of us staying committed to the truth, despite Skinner's disapproval.
Somehow I think responsible commitments might mean more than chronic insubordination, Mulder.
Scully, it says this is a stabilizing influence, that it's good for long-term domestic planning. Maybe it's about finally unpacking in my apartment. Or potentially not having it bugged - again.
I think you’re reading a bit much into it. Though reorganizing your fish tank could count as domestic planning.
There's more! Unpredictable changes disrupting romantic stability - sounds eerily close to what happened back in Bellefleur, wouldn't you say? The horoscope warns me to adapt if I want to preserve essential connections.
So you’re letting a horoscope advise you on relationships now? I thought you preferred evidence. Empirical connections, not astrophysical alignments.
But Scully, it mentions nurturing Libra energy harmonizing with aesthetic appreciation. Maybe that's a sign that despite the chaos, some things - like that snow globe on your desk - still give us a sense of order in the universe.
Or maybe you're just seeing patterns you want to see, Mulder. Like a snow globe: everything suspended perfectly, until you decide to shake things up.
Scorpio
October 24 - November 21
Let me guess, Mulder, you’re staring at your horoscope again instead of writing field reports.
Scully, I can’t ignore this - transformative energy is swirling around me right now. My horoscope says psychic sensitivity is at its peak. That’s probably why I dreamed about that underwater facility last night - it’s a sign.
Or it’s the leftover Chinese food talking, Mulder. Psychic sensitivity sounds more like sleep deprivation, especially with your schedule.
No, listen - the lunar influence is compared to an anglerfish’s lantern, Scully. Luring truths from the abyss. Maybe this means we’re about to discover something lurking just beneath the surface. Just like that case in the Pacific Northwest. We wouldn't have found anything if I hadn’t followed my intuition.
Following your intuition got us lost for three hours. Boundaries, Mulder. Maybe your horoscope is warning you to set them, so you don’t get dragged into every wild goose chase.
Boundaries are overrated, but it does say I should keep careful notes of my visionary impressions. Scully, what if my impulses are leading us toward authentic revelation? Maybe the truth really is closer now than ever.
Or maybe you should focus on practical responsibilities. Something about emotional maturity and long-term planning. Like getting your expense reports in on time.
That stabilizing influence could help us, Scully. Maybe it’s time I actually organized the evidence board at home. For the sake of intergenerational relationships... or at least so Mom stops worrying I’m becoming like the Lone Gunmen.
Now that would be a transformation, Mulder. But until then, I’ll remind you to check for anglerfish the next time your psychic sensitivity gets us swimming in deep water.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
What’s got you looking like you’ve spotted Sasquatch at the vending machine, Mulder?
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it’s practically screaming at me - adventure is guiding my soul today. I think this could be a sign we’re supposed to follow up on that report from the Bermuda Triangle. My psychic sensitivity is supposed to be off the charts right now.
Your horoscope also say you need to start writing down your 'visions'? We both know what happened last time you tried to trust those, Mulder. I’m still not convinced you didn’t just have a fever dream after eating questionable sunflower seeds.
It says creative professionals - which I think I qualify as, considering my methods - should document their visionary impressions. Maybe if I’d kept better notes about those strange lights outside my apartment, I’d finally have proof. But get this, Scully: boundaries need conscious maintenance, especially affecting home life. I think this means I should probably change my locks again - just to be safe.
Or it means you should spend less time inviting conspiracy nuts into your living room for pizza. What about emotional generosity? Going to hand out more pencils at the Bureau today?
No, but it did mention that teaching, hospitality, and community-building are on my side. Maybe it’s time for another informal paranormal discussion group - think of it, Scully. The first ever annual open mic for government secrets in my apartment.
Mulder, if you try to teach a class in your apartment again, Skinner will have your badge. And what’s that bit about the lunar influence? Something about Atlantis?
Lunar influence: 'A passport stamped Atlantis believing makes it real.' Don’t you see? Proof is belief, Scully. You could call it the ultimate traveler’s stamp - if we believe Atlantis exists, maybe it does. Or at least, maybe we’ll finally find the evidence everyone says doesn’t exist.
Or maybe, Mulder, you just need to stop getting your scientific advice from astrology columns.
Sagittarius
December 22 - January 19
Mulder, you're awfully chipper this morning. Dare I ask what’s ignited your optimism already?
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it says adventurous will is guiding my soul today. I’m actually feeling pretty energized - maybe it’s because my psychic sensitivity has reached exceptional levels.
Psychic sensitivity? Mulder, we’ve discussed that your dreams about shadowy men and mysterious government projects aren’t prophetic visions.
I’m just saying, every time my horoscope mentions documenting visionary impressions, something strange ends up happening. Remember when that mysterious symbol kept appearing in my files? Maybe if I’d written it all down, we could have unlocked an interdimensional portal by now.
Or maybe it would have landed you in administrative review for creative writing. Your horoscope also mentioned the importance of boundaries. Are you sure that’s not a gentle nudge to remember the difference between professional investigation and diving headfirst into conspiracy theories?
But it especially affects my home life, Scully. Maybe I need to take better care of my fish or start teaching an FBI yoga class. Emotional generosity supposedly expands social connections, after all.
If you start inviting UFO enthusiasts to dinner, I’m not coming. But I will remember your sudden urge for hospitality if Skinner asks why you signed the lounge up for community-building activities.
I’m telling you, Scully, with the lunar influence at play, it’s like having a passport stamped for Atlantis. Maybe believing makes it real, just like all those people who swear they saw something beneath the surface - if we look hard enough, perhaps we’ll see it, too.
Or maybe we’ll just discover you’ve been spending too much time watching ancient astronaut documentaries. Let’s stick to the evidence, Mulder. Your horoscope may guide your soul, but I’ll keep an eye on actual reality.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
You look unusually contemplative, Mulder. Let me guess - you just read something cosmic again?
Scully, listen to this: apparently, according to today’s horoscope, I’m on the cusp of emotional maturity at last. Responsible commitments, long-term domestic planning - can you imagine? I feel like the universe is finally acknowledging my need for stability after all these years chasing after the unknown.
Emotional maturity, Mulder? Does that mean you’ll finally remember to water your plants? Or is this more about you learning to keep a clean desk?
No, Scully, it’s deeper than that. It says I’m going to benefit from making real commitments - long-term, intergenerational stuff. Maybe my values and resources are finally coming into alignment. Like that time we investigated that family passing secrets down the generations. Think about it - what if the truth I've been seeking is really about legacy?
I've known you for years, Mulder, and I've never seen you let anything - least of all a horoscope - make you rethink your life goals. Or are you telling me you’re finally giving up your search for little green men in favor of a picket fence and 2.5 kids?
Not exactly. There’s more nuance. The stars warn of unpredictable changes disrupting my romantic stability - so I’ll have to stay flexible to protect what really matters. After all, we’ve seen how easily connections can be severed. Remember when I was pulled into that other realm - unable to reach anyone? Maybe it’s an omen to stay adaptive.
A ringing telephone underwater, Mulder? I hope you’re not planning to interpret that as another psychic hotline. You know how unreliable those so-called 'messages from unreachable realms' can be.
Scully, you know I’ve never needed a hotline - my psychic sensitivity is apparently reaching exceptional levels! If the cosmos calls, who am I to leave it ringing? Maybe I should answer - before someone else beats us to it.
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Scully, have you ever felt like a mystic glow was illuminating your path? Because according to what I just read, my psychic sensitivity is about to become exceptional. Maybe I’ll finally be able to prove that remote viewing isn’t just a CIA pipe dream.
Mulder, are you telling me you’re basing your next hypothesis on a horoscope? You know that psychic sensitivity isn’t exactly a measurable scientific phenomenon.
Maybe not by your standards, but you can’t deny we’ve seen stranger things than a little transcendent love inspiring creative and spiritual growth. Remember that piano player who claimed to dream of his own abduction, and then turned up with those burns? I’m just saying - there’s more to our personal expression than what you can see under a microscope.
So what, you’re planning to document your ‘visionary impressions’ now? Next time I see you staring out the window, should I assume you’re in profound emotional connection with the universe and not just plotting our next case?
Scully, this isn’t about staring out the window. It’s about boundaries - my horoscope says I need to maintain them consciously. I mean, look what happened when we ignored the boundaries between science and faith with that healer in Tennessee. The lines get blurry, and strange things happen.
Mulder, the only thing blurring the boundaries right now is your willingness to put your faith in vague, poetic metaphors. The last bubble in a sinking ship? Are you honestly reading cosmic significance into that?
Of course I am. That bubble is hope, Scully - it’s about continuing to shine even as the dark closes in. Isn’t that what we do every day, you and I?