Aries
March 21 - April 19
Scully, you won't believe what my horoscope just said! Influential people at work are going to be impressed by my wit and wisdom.
Mulder, you do realize horoscopes are just general statements that can apply to anyone, right?
No, no! It specifically mentioned my articulate way of expressing myself. I mean, they clearly know I have a gift for oration. Just like how I persuaded that briefing board last month about the paranormal implications of that unexplained phenomenon.
Or perhaps they were just confused by your insistence that it was all a government cover-up. You know, the average person might find that a bit extreme.
Extreme? Scully, this horoscope also points out that I have a very clear mind capable of grasping ideas. You have to admit, we've uncovered some pretty complex mysteries before.
Sure, but clarity doesn’t mean jumping to conclusions without evidence. I think that’s more your forte.
But wait, it encourages me to develop a better sense of humor! Can’t you just see it? Fox Mulder, master of comedy while still fighting for the truth.
That might be stretching it. Your jokes usually fall flat... like the time you tried to lighten the mood with that alien joke during the autopsy.
It wasn’t flat; it was subtle! Plus, this horoscope tells me to channel my irritation into constructive directions. I’m thinking less grumpy, more productive.
And how exactly do you plan to achieve that? Mapping out your irritation like you map out the UFO sightings?
Exactly! I could make a statistical correlation between my frustrations and sightings of—
Or you could focus on something realistic? Like using that energy to investigate actual cases? Maybe channeling your feelings into improving evidence-based argumentation?
Scully, that’s a great idea. I could even use my newfound humor to disarm the skeptics! After all, laughter is the best medicine—and it might just help soothe the anger of those who believe we’re just a pair of lunatics chasing shadows.
Or it might make them take you less seriously when you present your findings. Just remember to balance humor with the gravity of the cases we handle.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong! This horoscope said keeping talking is key, and we all know my rants are part of my charm.
If that's what you need to believe to get through the day, Mulder, then more power to you. Just don't expect too much from a piece of paper.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Scully, you won't believe what my horoscope says today. Apparently, I'm going to have stronger opinions than usual. It's like the universe is telling me I'm right—again.
That sounds dangerous, Mulder. When has having strong opinions ever led to anything good?
But it also warns me about being self-righteous! It says if I sermonize too much, I might not go down well with others. It's almost as if it knows how our conversations often go!
So, should I brace myself for a series of lectures on alien conspiracies today?
No, it says I should express my ideas confidently, but I need to tread warily. I mean, look how well that worked out when we confronted that rogue scientist last month.
Sure, but confidence doesn't guarantee you're always right. Remember the last time you were so sure about that case? It turned out... less than stellar.
True, but today, the horoscope also says that the Moon’s position will make me keen to keep the peace! This is the universe helping me to be a better communicator.
Or maybe it's just the Moon's way of saying you need to listen more. Let's not assume you're the only authority here.
What if that just proves my point? The Moon is guiding my thoughts, Scully! It’s the ultimate cosmic alignment of my intuition and insight!
Just remember, Mulder, intuition doesn’t always lead to the truth. But if you could channel that cosmic energy into staying calm for once, that would be groundbreaking.
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says I may appear silent in the coming weeks, but my mind will be highly active behind this defensive exterior.
Mulder, you do realize that horoscopes are generally vague, right? You’re not exactly the quiet type.
Ah, but that's where the uncanny insights come in! It’s telling me that my secrecy has a good reason. Just like that time we had to investigate that mysterious government facility—remember how we kept it under wraps?
Yes, because we were trying to uncover the truth, not hiding a secret because of a horoscope. Plus, being secretive doesn’t mean you’re insightful, Mulder.
But it says I should watch that I'm not too mistrustful of others' motives! It's like when we encountered that alien artifact and had to question everyone around us. My instincts were on high alert then.
And those instincts can lead you astray. Trusting the wrong people can have dire consequences, Mulder.
True, but today it also says I might be feeling slightly lacklustre and not in the mood for practical chores. Just think about it! The cosmic forces are telling me to take a break!
Nice try, but ‘slightly lacklustre’ sounds more like your usual excuse for avoiding paperwork rather than the alignment of the stars.
Scully, this isn't just about avoiding paperwork. It's about the universe guiding me. Sometimes I feel like I'm tuned into something far beyond ourselves, like when we encountered the syndicate.
Those were concrete situations, Mulder. Believing in coincidences or cosmic guidance is one thing, but acting on them without evidence is another. Don’t lose your grip on reality.
Always the voice of reason, Scully. But let’s be honest, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. And maybe, just maybe, I have a hunch about something big coming.
Just make sure you check those hunches against reality, Mulder, before jumping to conclusions. That's what the rational mind would advise.
Oh, but where's the fun in that? Who knows what uncanny truths we might uncover if we ride the waves of the cosmos?
Just remember to keep one foot on the ground while you chase those cosmic waves, Mulder.
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says that close partners, like us, want to hear what I have to say right now!
Mulder, I'm sure they want to hear what *you* have to say, but that doesn't mean you should take it too seriously.
No, Scully, this is big! It claims that I have a sensible view of our joint situation and can sort out tangles faster than most. Remember that time with the shapeshifter? I figured it out quicker than you thought possible.
That was more about basic logic than some cosmic alignment. Just because you can untangle a mystery doesn’t mean you should act on every intuition you have.
But the horoscope warns me not to dawdle in making decisions! If I hesitate too long, I might lose the chance to act. Like that time we almost missed the signal from the ghost that led us to the truth!
You're equating a horoscope with actual evidence, Mulder. Just because you read it doesn't mean it applies to our work. We need to rely on facts, not fate.
Sometimes facts are just stranger things, Scully. This advice about running with my passionate enthusiasms without being reckless? It's about trusting my instincts. Think of all those times my hunches have saved us!
Yes, but it's easier to get swept up in the excitement than to carefully evaluate the risks. Not every odd occurrence is a sign to chase down.
You're right, but what if this horoscope is a sign? It’s all about balance—passion and caution. It’s practically cosmic advice, Scully!
Or it's just a random collection of words meant to entertain people. Let’s focus on the tangible leads we actually have, Mulder.
But if the universe is trying to tell me something, Scully? What if the very aliens we chase are trying to guide me through the stars? We might be missing the message!
Then let them make contact. Until they do, I'm sticking with the facts on the ground, partner.
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope today. It said I should keep the big picture in mind. You know, like when we're chasing down leads about extraterrestrial life instead of getting lost in the minutiae of paperwork.
Mulder, I think your horoscope is just vague advice that could apply to anyone. It's not a cosmic signal that the truth is out there because you missed some figures on a report.
But it specifically said I might get bogged down in too many details! That sounds exactly like when we were dissecting evidence about that strange phenomenon in the woods. Those details can easily cloud the truth.
Or it could just mean you need to focus and organize your thoughts better. You do tend to jump from one theory to another without checking in first.
And it also mentioned fitness and diet matters! I mean, do I look a little bloated to you? Maybe I should get more serious about working out—like the time we chased that suspect and almost had to run for our lives.
Running for our lives is not a fitness plan, Mulder. Maybe you just need more vegetables or to cut back on those late-night junk food binges.
But Scully, it said I should aim for cozy relationships and probably indulge in tempting food. I mean, what could be cozier than sharing a pizza while we go over our findings?
You’re conflating your food cravings with your need for social interaction. There’s a difference between the two. Plus, you know we can’t sustain ourselves solely on takeout.
Fine, but it did mention asking a trusted adviser about questions I have. And I trust you more than anyone, especially when it comes to trying to dig into the unknown.
What are you asking me about, Mulder? How to make better choices in your diet or why you think a horoscope can predict how you're feeling?
Both! You know, I feel like I need some cuddling and support right about now. The weights of these cases can get heavy!
Alright, I'll support you. But maybe skip the cuddly food this time? Let's start with something healthy.
Looks like my horoscope might need a bit of revision after all, huh? But diet aside, I'm still holding onto the big picture.
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Scully, you’re not going to believe this! My horoscope says my sense of humor and fun are going to be on top form again. Can you imagine? A Mulder renaissance!
Mulder, is this really the time to focus on your humor when we have a case to solve? Besides, do you honestly think your jokes are that good?
Oh come on! The horoscope says I’ll be making great efforts to get an appreciative audience for my witty jokes. Even in the midst of home pressures, I can still bring the laughter!
I can already see the laughter surrounding you, especially when you tell those embellished stories about alien encounters.
Exactly! But the horoscope warns me not to exaggerate too much. That's a neat trick - balancing the truth with the flair! Think about it: like how we sometimes stretch what we’ve seen.
Or how you weave fantastical conspiracies into every mundane detail, Mulder. Just promise me you won’t go too wild today or overspend on something ridiculous.
But Scully, if I feel I lack something elsewhere—like a shortage of laughter—I have to compensate, right? What’s wrong with treating myself?
Just make sure that treating yourself doesn't involve any questionable artifacts or overpriced memorabilia that we probably should be investigating instead. Focus on the case.
Fine, but I’ll be collecting my audience in the meantime with my top-tier jokes. You’ll see, Scully. The laughter will come!
Just keep it factual, Mulder. If anyone’s going to laugh, it should be at the truth—not the outlandish theories you considered credible.
Libra
September 23 - October 23
Scully, you won't believe my horoscope for the coming weeks. It says I'll be happier with my feet up at home reading books!
Do you really believe a few lines in a newspaper can predict your happiness, Mulder? You can't possibly think that's any more relevant than your Sideshow Bob theory.
But it gets better! It mentions that I need to unload certain work commitments. Maybe I should take a sabbatical to pursue the truth – you know, like chasing after rogue aliens.
Or maybe it’s just a deadline looming, Mulder. Your idea of a sabbatical is just an excuse to avoid actual work.
No, Scully! It warns me I might not have much choice about some projects, but I need to clear the space! If I don’t, I might boil over. You get that right?
You mean like the time you 'boiled over' when I questioned your theories on those spontaneous human combustions? If you want to avoid that, just manage your time better.
Exactly! My horoscope says to avoid discussions about cash until everyone is calmer. That’s wisdom! I can see it now—a zen Mulder, meditatively contemplating the universe instead of the budget.
Or you could just try being realistic about our funding problems. Meditation won’t pay the bills, Mulder.
But Scully, it's all connected! If I create a calm environment, perhaps the truth will reveal itself! Just like those mysterious cases that seem to unfold when I’m in the right mindset.
Mulder, trust me, if you wait for the truth to magically appear, it will likely leave you exactly where you started—watching reruns at home. Why not take action instead?
Scorpio
October 24 - November 21
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope! It says I'll be accused of being slightly superficial over the coming weeks.
That's nothing new for you, Mulder. You have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to anything that doesn't involve aliens.
But it also says my curiosity is going to send me off in all directions! Endless questions, Scully! It’s practically calling me to investigate the mysteries of the universe.
Or to get distracted by the latest conspiracy theories. Just remember we have a case to solve, not a rabbit hole to jump into.
Boredom won't be a problem! My schedule will be packed. I can almost feel the excitement coursing through me, like when we uncovered evidence of that secret government project.
Excitement doesn't mean effectiveness, Mulder. You might be all over the place but that doesn’t mean we’ll find the truth.
True, but today it says I'm destined to pamper myself. Maybe a nice burger and a shoot-em-up movie before we go back to the dark corners of the world?
Pampering and self-care could work if used wisely, but you can’t avoid arguments just because it says you shouldn’t. We can’t ignore the facts.
I can't be bothered with hassle right now! I mean, what’s the use in arguing about why the cigarette-smoking man keeps resurfacing? Let’s give ourselves a break.
Ignoring issues doesn’t solve them, Mulder. But if we take a break, I’ll consider letting you indulge in your ‘pampering’... just this once.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it’s spot on. It says I need to take a hard-headed line in the coming weeks.
You do realize that horoscopes are based on superstition, Mulder? They’re not exactly reliable.
Ah, but listen to this! I’m supposed to focus on what's practical and sensible. That's basically my day job as a paranormal investigator.
So, you’re saying investigating the unknown is practical and sensible? That doesn’t quite add up.
Just think about it, Scully. I'm uneasy about lofty discussions that never lead to anything solid, like the ones we have when we contemplate extraterrestrial life.
Those discussions often lead to important discoveries, Mulder. You can’t simply dismiss them.
But this horoscope says I’ll be preoccupied with money matters! This means I can’t just be wandering around chasing aliens without considering the budget.
Perhaps that’s a sign you should spend less time obsessing over intergalactic theories and more time focusing on our current cases.
Today it says I might fly into action at home! I could organize all our case files and make them more efficient, like the time we had to sort through those mysterious disappearances in the forest.
And you think organizing paperwork makes you fierce? Mulder, it’s admirable, but it lacks the drama you usually thrive on.
But if I’m determined to get everything shipshape, then how can I not be fierce? Like I was when we confronted that rogue government official.
You can be fierce, sure, but don't let a piece of paper dictate your actions. You still need a level head.
A level head is essential, Scully, but so is my horoscope’s insight. The more I talk, the more I earn. This could be my best funding strategy!
Just be careful you're not talking yourself into a corner with these wild ideas, Mulder.
No corner, just endless possibilities! The universe is at my fingertips, and I have my horoscope to guide me!
Sagittarius
December 22 - January 19
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says I'm going to be hard-headed in the coming weeks, really focusing on what's practical and sensible.
Oh really? That sounds like a significant change for you, Mulder. Usually, you're all about the grand conspiracy theories.
Exactly! It even mentions I'll be uneasy about lofty discussions. I mean, my mind's been racing about cases that might sound far-fetched, but it’s time to get down to brass tacks.
So, you're saying you're going to abandon your penchant for the paranormal in favor of practical concerns? That sounds improbable.
No, no, hear me out! It specifically mentions money matters. 'Sing for your supper,' Scully. That could mean I need to find alternative funding for our investigations.
You want to monetize your obsession with alien abductions? That's a new one. And what about the personal costs involved?
It’s about maximizing potential! It says the more I talk, the more I'll earn. That’s like my nightly stakeouts—if I just articulate my theories better, who knows the kind of grant we might bring in?
Right, because ‘talking’ has always led you to substantial funding. Let’s focus on the here and now. What’s next, cleaning the basement in fervent action?
Spot on! The horoscope even hints I might get a little fierce about getting everything in ship shape. The truth is, Scully, order brings clarity, even if my methods appear drastic.
Fierce cleaning? I can already see the two of us unwittingly uncovering some hidden case files from years ago, buried under the clutter.
Exactly! We could stumble upon something that could blow the lid off the whole thing! Fortune favours the prepared mind, right?
Or perhaps that’s just your innate tendency to connect everything to some hidden conspiracy. Let's just try to keep our sanity intact.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Scully, you wouldn't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It said my imagination might be running away with me, which clearly explains my constant pursuit of the truth.
And how exactly does that relate to being moody or gloomy, Mulder? You seem to take that as a personal badge of honor.
It's not a badge, Scully, it's a cosmic reflection. The stars are telling me that standing back and being detached will help me gain clarity, and perhaps even get to the heart of some conspiracies.
Or maybe that's just an excuse to avoid facing the facts. You can't always rely on cosmic advice to validate your theories.
But it also says I should trust my hunches! Remember all those times when my instincts led us to something big? Like when we discovered that creature in the woods?
Your ‘hunches’ often lead to wild goose chases, Mulder. We don’t always find concrete evidence, do we?
True, but this is different! It also says I'd make a sympathetic listener in the coming weeks. I could finally start understanding alien abductions from the victims’ perspectives.
Or you could end up getting too wrapped up in their stories and lose sight of reality. Being sympathetic doesn’t mean ignoring the hard truths.
Exactly! But that’s why it’s crucial to be straightforward. I can't gloss over unpleasantness if I’m going to help anyone—especially if it involves cryptic government conspiracies.
Just remember, Mulder, reading your horoscope isn’t a substitute for concrete evidence. Stay grounded amidst all that cosmic fluff.
Grounded, yet enlightened, Scully. Isn’t that the delicate balance of an agent chasing the truth?
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it’s saying that bright friends are essential to my life right now. I mean, who could they be referring to but us, right?
Mulder, I think you might be reading a bit too much into it. A horoscope can't pinpoint your friendships.
But Scully, it says my wonderfully inventive ideas need to be shared, and we deal with truths every day that others can't see. It’s practically glowing with cosmic validation!
Even so, you can’t rely on the stars to dictate your work. You also have to pay attention to feedback from your peers.
That’s exactly what’s intriguing, though! It warns me that I might get bored with feedback. Picture it—me startling people just for amusement. I could totally see that happening!
Startling people isn’t exactly a badge of honor, Mulder. You could end up causing more confusion than clarity.
But Scully, aren’t we preserving the truth? Look at the times we've had unsettling breakthroughs. What if I brought some of that energy today?
There’s a fine line between enlightening and bewildering, Mulder. Just because you’re restless doesn’t mean you should take it out on me or anyone else.
True, but the horoscope also mentions I shouldn’t race around too fast. Maybe it’s a sign to slow down, embrace the lazy stakes—like taking a moment to analyze my next move.
That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said. But remember, balance is key in everything. Even when the universe throws hints your way.