Aries
March 21 - April 19
Scully, you won’t believe the horoscope I just read. It says today I’m going to feel strongly for someone who’s being treated unfairly.
You realize that horoscopes are just vague statements designed to apply to anyone, right?
No, Scully! This is different. It specifies that I might go out of my way to help this acquaintance. It could mean that I need to step in for someone in trouble, like our friend out in the woods last week.
Or it could just be a reminder that we have actual work to focus on, like the case we’re currently assigned to.
But think about it! What if it's a sign? What if I’m meant to be their champion, like I was meant to uncover the truth about those government experiments?
Mulder, jumping to save every unjustly treated person you encounter is not a productive use of your time. Plus, we need to follow leads, remember?
But the horoscope said my ‘sweetheart’ would always provide the reason for me to return home. That could mean you would support my heroic endeavors.
I support you, Mulder, but that doesn’t mean you should chase every whim that you deem a 'heroic endeavor.' Sometimes, the truth doesn’t need to be saved.
You just don’t see the grand potential, Scully! Today could change everything for that acquaintance. What if they’re an alien contact? Or know something about the government?
Or they could be an ordinary person facing regular life challenges. Not every situation involves extraterrestrial conspiracies, Mulder.
You’re saying that, but what if I turn my back and the next thing I know, they are taken by men in black? I’m not about to let that happen on my watch!
Then we’ll keep an eye on it together, but let’s not forget the real priorities we have. Besides, your superhero act could cause more harm than good.
You’re right about the priorities part, but still, I can’t ignore the stars, Scully. They’re sending me a message!
And they’re all probably just trying to make a quick buck off your fascination with the unknown. Don't let them distract you.
I will not be deterred! The truth is out there, and today, I might just rescue that poor soul, aligning my destiny with the cosmos!
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it says I want more space. More spice in my life, too. Can you believe it?
You know, Mulder, horoscopes are just vague generalities. You can't actually take them seriously.
But Scully, it specifically mentioned wanting to express my need for variety! This is cosmic guidance! Maybe I need to adopt a new canine companion or explore the unexplained mysteries of the universe.
Or maybe you just need to refocus on your work. You’re not looking for variety when your last case revolved around a shape-shifter, are you?
True, but that doesn't mean I can't seek out some fun! The stars are practically aligning to encourage my flirtatious side tonight.
Really? Because your horoscope also warned about straying if you’re married— a deep rift in the marriage. Are you trying to tell me something?
No, Scully! I'm just saying the universe might be suggesting I explore my options. It never hurt anyone to chat with a fellow agent, even on a personal level.
There's a difference between chatting and flirting, Mulder. And you’re not exactly the type to stray, are you?
Exactly! That’s why I’m interpreting this as a call for introspection! A deep look into what makes me tick, not necessarily a path to find romance on the side.
Fine, introspect all you want, but don’t blame the stars if you end up in the doghouse.
But think of all the bizarre encounters I could have! My horoscope is practically urging me toward new encounters with the unknown!
Just remember, Mulder, not every unknown is friendly. Stick to the cases, and leave the horoscopes for your downtime.
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It’s like the universe is calling out to me.
Let me guess, the universe wants you to stop chasing UFOs and start doing your laundry?
No, no! It says today I should focus on family and put myself second. Duty comes first! It's practically a cosmic mandate.
Mulder, you already put everyone else before yourself. Are you really going to let some vague celestial prediction dictate your day?
But Scully, I feel particularly inclined to help someone who’s being wronged. Maybe it’s about that guy we interviewed last week. Remember how desperately he needed our support?
Or maybe it’s just you projecting your own feelings onto someone else. You don’t even know if he needs anything from you.
The horoscope specifically says I feel strongly for an acquaintance. That could be a sign! And what if it leads us to uncovering some government conspiracy?
Right, because it’s not like you’ve used flimsy evidence to chase down conspiracies before. Are you sure this isn’t just wishful thinking?
Scully! It also mentions that someone from my past might contact me! This is significant!
Oh, is it? What, are we expecting a ghost from your past to come knocking? Or perhaps someone from the time you accidentally got locked in that tomb?
Exactly! It could be someone with vital information about the truth! Today I must be vigilant!
Vigilant, or just obsessive like usual? Just remember, Mulder, the stars don't solve cases, you do.
But what if the stars are trying to help? Think of it as the universe offering me clues, Scully. We could be on the brink of something big!
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Scully! You won't believe what my horoscope says today. It’s all about achieving peace and harmony in my domestic life.
And how exactly do you expect to find peace and harmony, Mulder? By discussing conspiracy theories with your siblings?
Exactly! I should probably call my sister Melissa. We can have an open and frank conversation about everything, you know, including the truth about vampires.
I'm sure she would love that. Nothing says family bonding like a talk about bloodsucking creatures of the night.
That aside, there's something about money coming in from overseas contacts! This afternoon could be monumental for us.
Are we talking about the same overseas contracts that led to that alien technology smuggling case? Because I’m still reviewing the case file on that.
Now that's the spirit, Scully! Celebrate with loved ones, maybe we can toast to all those new orders in trade… and the potential for the truth to be out there!
Toasting with something other than coffee would be nice. But you might want to define 'loved ones' first. I have my doubts about some of your choices.
Trust me, Scully. When the money comes in, we’ll get together with the right people—no basement-dwelling monsters this time.
As long as your 'celebration' doesn’t involve a rundown motel or a strange delivery from an unmarked van, I’ll consider it a win.
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Scully, you wouldn’t believe what my horoscope just said! It’s like the universe is preparing me for something extraordinary.
Extraordinary or just typical for you? What does it say this time?
It mentions overseas tours being successful! Isn’t that amazing? I mean, think of all the places we could explore, uncover paranormal phenomena—
Or get our passports lost and documents misplaced, which it also warns about. You know that’s not just a ‘Maybe.’
But it’s about the adventure! It’s just preparing us for the inevitable chaos that always follows the truth. I mean, who hasn’t had their ID go missing while chasing down the existence of extraterrestrial life?
That’s still a risk we can minimize. And you need to consider the part about misplacing valuables. A distraction could make matters worse.
True, but that's why I have you, Scully. Besides, it says ‘patience and understanding’ are key tonight. It must mean you and I will navigate through any tension flawlessly!
Are you suggesting there’s going to be tension between us? Because if that’s your interpretation of our last case, then I think you need to rethink your logic.
No, no! Just a minor tiff, like with a spouse! It’s all about maintaining calm and empathy—right before we save the world from malevolent beings!
Or perhaps miscommunicating over our next case. Just stick to the facts, Mulder. Leave the mysticism for the aliens.
But Scully, doesn’t it feel like the cosmos is guiding us? We can outsmart any cosmic force—and each other!
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Scully, I've just read my horoscope, and it's telling me I need to rethink everything.
Your horoscope? Mulder, you can't seriously believe that astrology has any real bearing on your life.
But it mentioned that I'm contemplating a change of residence! Maybe we should move, you know, to another country. Imagine the fresh air and new mysteries to solve!
You can't pack up and move to another country just because a piece of paper told you to. We have a job here, and I have a career!
But what if we find something bigger than the usual government conspiracy? Like extraterrestrial life in a hidden village in France or a telepathic cult in Brazil?
Right, because that sounds incredibly plausible.
Hey, my horoscope also says that I should seriously consider the opinions of my sweetheart. That’s you, Scully!
So you're saying that because the stars told you so, I should start packing my bags? That's not exactly a compelling argument.
But health is good! Isn't that a sign? We could start our own investigation headquarters in Amsterdam.
Or we could stay here and investigate the case that's been right under our noses this whole time. You know, the ones involving actual evidence?
But changing locations could lead us to a breakthrough, like that time we stumbled upon that isolated farmhouse.
That was a different situation entirely. You're not going to find aliens in every country, Mulder.
Maybe not, but think of the possibilities! The stars align, Scully. We could be pioneers in the field of interdimensional travel!
Or just chasing shadows. I think you need to take a step back from the cosmic distractions and focus on what's in front of us.
Libra
September 23 - October 23
Scully, I just read my horoscope and it's telling me I should rethink some major decisions in my life. It even says I should consider relocating to another country.
Are you seriously basing life decisions on a horoscope, Mulder? You know that's not exactly scientific.
But it’s not just any horoscope! It’s got insight into my current situation with everything that’s going on. You know, I’ve been thinking, with all the unexplained phenomena we encounter, maybe we should pack our bags and head somewhere abroad, like France or maybe, who knows, the Bermuda Triangle?
Right, because moving to the Bermuda Triangle is a great idea. And what about the work we have here? Do you really think a change of scenery will just magically make things better?
Well, the horoscope advises discussing it seriously with my ‘sweetheart’ and considering the possibilities. I mean, it's not like we haven’t encountered our fair share of unexpected situations that would make an exotic backdrop tempting.
You mean like the time we dealt with those rogue scientists? Or the time you thought you discovered telekinesis? Because I don't think either of those scenarios are exactly convincing reasons to pack up and leave.
You’re missing the point, Scully! It’s about exploring new dimensions of life and experiencing things beyond the ordinary! And speaking of ordinary, the horoscope also warned that a little tiff could escalate tonight. So let’s be patient and understanding, shall we?
A tiff? Mulder, the only tiff I see happening is having to deal with you and your constant flights of fancy. But sure, let’s be 'understanding' about that.
See, that’s exactly what my horoscope warned me about! If we’re not patient, who knows what could happen? We could wind up in a situation just like that one time with the... well, you know, the alien cult. It’d be better if we were getting along.
You mean the situation we resolved and returned to normal life after? Maybe focus on solving cases here before planning any exotic vacations.
Fine, but I still think we should keep our options open. After all, a world of mysteries awaits beyond our borders, Scully.
Scorpio
October 24 - November 21
Scully, you won’t believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says students like us should brace for setbacks today. Definitely a sign!
Mulder, you read that in a horoscope? What does that even mean for us? Are we students now?
It means we need to be prepared for any unexpected obstacles. Like when we had to deal with that rogue AI last month. Remember how we couldn't access the mainframe?
That was due to bad coding, Mulder, not a cosmic alignment. And I wouldn’t exactly call that an ‘obstacle’ in your horoscope terms.
Ah, but listen! It says we might receive help from unexpected sources. Maybe it’s telling us to keep an eye out for informants or even paranormal entities.
Or it could just mean the mailroom delivers a package late. Let’s not jump to conclusions.
There’s also something about tension at home, specifically with a ‘sweetheart’ or ‘spouse.’ Scully, you’re not in a bad mood, are you?
I’m fine, Mulder, but you bringing up horoscopes is enough to put anyone in a bad mood.
The forecast guarantees peace and harmony will come back in the evening! It’s practically an omen of hope for our partnership.
So we just need to survive until evening and hope your psychic reading provides us with a miracle. I’d rather trust the science behind our cases.
Scully, science and the cosmos aren't mutually exclusive. Think of it as... a convergence of probabilities.
Right, because that worked so well with the ghost in that old hotel.
Exactly! An unpredictable situation leading to profound revelations. Just like my horoscope predicts—bad mood now, but harmony later.
Let’s just agree to keep our discussions on the actual cases and not divinations. Or at least stay away from your ‘predictions’ until after dinner.
Understood. But mark my words, Scully—tonight we’ll experience a cosmic alignment that will bring harmony to the universe... starting with pizza.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it says this is an important time for choice.
Are you really relying on astrology to make decisions now, Mulder?
Not just relying, Scully. It says I'm going to resolve this impasse I've faced! Remember that case with the conspirators? It felt like we were at a standstill.
That’s because you were chasing shadows, not because of some cosmic alignment.
But think about it! If I can resolve that situation, who knows what new ventures might come up? The horoscope even mentions new business ventures!
What new ventures are you planning? Setting up an alien merchandise shop?
Hey, don't knock it until you try it. It could be a goldmine! Plus, it said home life is happy and peaceful right now.
Your home life is happy and peaceful? You've just cleaned out your apartment! That's hardly a life strategy.
That’s just the start! And it also says health is good for most of us. It's a bright future, Scully.
Are you trying to tell me that your rose-colored lens is based on your health? You’re fit as a fiddle because you eat nothing but takeout.
Exactly! It’s a good omen, Scully. I can feel the universe aligning in my favor.
Or maybe it’s that extra hour of running you’ve been doing. Try not to take the stars’ advice too seriously.
You’re just jealous that you don’t have the universe guiding your way, Scully. This is a chance for transformation.
And I prefer to rely on logic and evidence rather than horoscopes.
Sometimes the truth is out there among the stars. Just think about it.
Sagittarius
December 22 - January 19
Scully, you won't believe what I just read in my horoscope. It says this is an important time for choice!
Right, because horoscopes are scientifically proven to guide our decisions.
No, seriously! It also mentions resolving an impasse. This could be the breakthrough we've been waiting for on those unsolved cases, don't you think?
You do realize that the only impasse we've been facing is your relentless pursuit of the paranormal, right?
Exactly! It’s like that time we were stuck in that room with the... well, you know. But now, according to the stars, I can break through that barrier with a choice!
And what exactly is this choice? Should we consult a psychic next?
The horoscope also mentions new business ventures! This could be our chance to do something groundbreaking together. Imagine Scully and Mulder, private investigators of the extraordinary!
Or, you know, just a regular pair of FBI agents trying to follow the evidence.
But Scully, the cosmos is aligning for us! Our home life, or rather our office life, is 'happy and peaceful.' Can't you feel the good vibes?
Right. If by peaceful you mean chaos every time you chase down another wild theory.
But health is good for most of us too! That means we're fit enough to handle whatever the universe throws at us!
Or maybe it just means we should take a break and eat more fruits and vegetables.
Scully, trust me! This horoscope could be the sign we've needed all along. What if it leads us to the truth?
Or it could just lead us to a very questionable diner with strange food.
There is always an opportunity for discovery, Scully! You can't deny that!
Only if you promise not to order the pie. You know what happened last time.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Scully, I just read my horoscope, and it's saying there's a significant transition happening in my life right now.
Really, Mulder? Since when do you rely on horoscopes for guidance? You do realize they are just vague generalities?
No, no! This isn't just vague. It specifically mentions that I need to learn how to interact with others without forcing my opinion on them. It’s practically an omen!
That sounds more like a reminder to practice diplomacy, not a revelation from the cosmos. Have you considered that you might be misunderstanding it?
But think about it! Like that time we had to convince the farmers to trust us when the phantom crop circles were appearing. I could have definitely benefited from some cosmic pointers.
Those farmers weren’t exactly interested in our opinions, Mulder, especially with the Alien symbol scare going around. The horoscope doesn’t mention crop circles or farming.
Still, it's insightful! It also says my love life is in the background today, which explains why I haven't heard from anyone...except you, of course.
That’s one way to interpret it. But perhaps the universe is just telling you to focus on your work and not get distracted by romantic notions.
Or maybe it's giving me a chance to connect more deeply with the individuals I work with. You know, like how I connect with you over these bizarre cases.
Just remember, Mulder, strong connections don't always come from the stars. Sometimes they come from good old-fashioned communication.
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Scully, you won't believe the great news I just read in my horoscope! It says I'm expecting to receive good news that will cheer me up considerably!
Mulder, you really think a fortune from a newspaper can dictate your mood? It's just words on a page.
But think about it, Scully! The universe is aligning for me. It even mentions family problems getting resolved. Maybe my mom finally found that lost cat.
Or maybe she simply decided to stop calling you about it. Family dynamics are complicated, Mulder. A horoscope isn't going to fix them.
You know, just like in that case we worked on with the adoptive family who turned out to be - well, you know. This could be my cosmic turnaround.
Right, because the supernatural always has your back in resolving family matters.
Exactly! It also says any legal issues will be smoothed out. Maybe that citation from the last stakeout will magically disappear.
Mulder, that’s not how the justice system works. You can't just wish your way out of a ticket.
What if I told you it’s all part of a plan? The stars might be paving the way for a lucrative new business venture for me! Imagine – Mulder's Mysteries, Inc.
And what exactly do you plan to sell? Conspiracy theories? Because I’m not sure there’s a market for that.
Don’t underestimate the demand for the truth, Scully! And with my horoscope guiding me, I can channel past cases into something profitable.
Mulder, I appreciate your optimism. But maybe focus on the present and what’s tangible instead of relying on astrological predictions.
Just think Scully, if everything aligns, we could even crack the case of the missing time travelers. Fortune favors the bold, after all.
Or it favors the delusional. Just pay attention to what’s in front of you.