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Mulder, are you seriously basing your plans for the day on your horoscope? And since when do you compare yourself to a golden retriever? What exactly are you planning to charge into - another federal investigation sparked by a pizza coupon?

Mulder, ‘destiny’ didn’t make you buy infrared equipment at two in the morning - lack of sleep and your obsession with nocturnal phenomena did. And if your energy is truly off the charts, maybe you should channel it into something productive. Preferably something doesn’t involve rearranging our entire evidence room at 2AM - or investigating cats supposedly controlling the weather.

Or maybe it’s the day you get lured by your own charm into a series of dubious social interactions or online shopping disasters. Let’s just hope your pioneering instincts don’t end with you swiping right on someone who believes crop circles are dating signals from extraterrestrials.

You seem unusually chipper this morning, Mulder. Did you stumble on another government conspiracy in your email or is there something else?

You're going to let a horoscope dictate your day? And how exactly does a text become dangerously charming, Mulder? It's not like the Flukeman is lurking in your inbox waiting to be seduced.

Given your previous encounters, Mulder, a little caution might actually be warranted. Watch out or you'll end up swiping right on another informant. Or worse, your credit card could become the latest victim of 'impulsive online shopping.'

Well, Mulder, let's hope your 'shields' are stronger than your impulse control. Especially if that horoscope turns out to be more accurate than your usual theories. In the meantime, maybe just stick to professional texts today.

You seem unusually animated today, Mulder. What's got you so worked up?

Mulder, are you seriously taking advice from an astrological reading? Was there something specific about cockatoos I missed in your research?

Or it could be that you broadcast your phone number at three in the morning while ranting about government conspiracies. You don’t actually believe your horoscope is influencing your social life, do you?

Just make sure you don’t swipe right on a shapeshifter by mistake. The last thing I need is to find you tangled up with another conspiracy you met on the internet.

Mulder, letting your 'gentle instincts' guide us is all well and good until we're following crop circles into a cornfield again. What made you start trusting horoscopes now?

That's a comfort. I always look forward to seeing you switch from gloomy to starry-eyed conspiracy in under a minute. What does it say about our work - other than the suggestion that your values and resources are at stake?

Your heart says one thing, your brain says another, huh? That sounds suspiciously like trying to justify wild hunches in an official report. I suppose you'll want my medical analysis to back you up if the coin says yes.

Or it's just a poetic way of telling you to text more politely. According to your horoscope, your texts are 'dangerously charming' all day. Should I be worried?

Mulder, why are you smiling at your phone like that? Is it another supposed government wiretap, or did you just see something amusing on the internet?

Charming, Mulder? Last time your 'fiery spirit' acted up, we ended up interrogating a man who claimed to have been abducted while shopping for discount shoes. Your charm nearly got us arrested.

Honestly, Mulder, you reorganize your apartment at 2AM even without planetary interference or the influence of caffeinated squirrels. Besides, you don't even use dating apps.

Well, let me know when the universe tells you to do something logical, Mulder. Until then, I suggest you save your charm for the next time Skinner asks us about those missing expense reports.

You've been staring at your phone for the past fifteen minutes, Mulder. Planning your next crusade against the practical world?

Mulder, are you suggesting that celestial bodies are dictating whether you send flirty texts or focus on your laundry?

Or maybe it’s because you prefer mystery over monotony. You don't need a horoscope for that, Mulder. Also, if your 'dangerously charming' texts accidentally disrupt our reports to Skinner again, I’m blaming the stars.

Whether it’s lunar influence or just Mulder influence, you certainly have a gift for nonconformity. But what does 'the falcon preens each feather - flawlessness is your rebellion' actually mean? Are you going to start grooming your theories now before presenting them to me?

Mulder, why are you grinning at your phone like that? Did you find another Russian sleeper agent forum?

Dangerously charming? Mulder, the last time you said something like that, you almost ended up in a government witness protection safehouse with a conspiracy theorist and six boxes of sunflower seeds.

Your accidental flirting usually involves talking about UFO reports in Nebraska, not candlelit dinners, Mulder. Should I monitor your online activity or just confiscate your phone for the rest of the day?

Or maybe you’ll just impulsively buy another Yeti hair sample online. Let’s hope your creative pursuits today don’t end up with you on a dating app, trying to recruit local informants over coffee.

Mulder, why are you tearing apart your desk drawers? Did you lose another badge again?

Mulder, are you seriously letting an astrology column dictate your cleaning schedule now? Or is this just your new strategy for avoiding paperwork?

Funny, I thought destiny was written in starlight, not dust bunnies. Are you going to channel this enthusiasm into something, I don't know, productive, or are you just going to threaten the office furniture?

Just make sure you don't strain anything, Mulder. I doubt the Bureau covers injuries from horoscope-inspired exercise routines.

I'll keep an eye out for any lunar-induced flirting, but if you start quoting mantis mating rituals at me, we're having another conversation about your internet usage.

Mulder, is that another horoscope you’re reading, or are you deciphering crop circles again?

Optimism and horoscopes don’t always go hand in hand. What else does your cosmic forecast claim?

Honestly, Mulder, you never needed a horoscope to believe in your own charms. Though, if you start impulsively buying conspiracy theories - again - I’ll have to confiscate your credit card.

So, now you’re justifying online surveillance as stargazing for answers?

You’re aware that caffeine sensitivity and insomnia don’t suddenly become mystical just because the moon is full, right?

Or maybe it’s a sign you should skip your fourth cup of coffee and stick to the facts, Mulder. The only thing soaring right now is your imagination.

Mulder, I’ve seen you power through entire pots of coffee and still fall asleep with your head on that pile of unsolved case files. Why are you suddenly using astrology to justify your restlessness?

So, let me get this straight: you’re justifying hyperactive cleaning as some kind of cosmic mandate? And rearranging your video collection is now a celestial imperative?

Only if you think personal vendettas are a good way to channel excess energy. And who exactly is the ram here, Mulder? Is it you, charging the palace gates in your ongoing war with office tradition?

And yet, here we are - still questioning the nature of reality, one bizarre horoscope at a time.

You seem particularly absorbed today, Mulder. What is it? Another message from the cosmos?

Mulder, your mood is always unpredictable, but I hardly see why an app - or the stars - would have any insight into it. Are you sure you didn't just write this horoscope yourself?

Dangerously charming? I suppose that's a step up from accidentally quoting government conspiracy forums in our reports. And do you really buy into this idea that your personal relationships - and texts - are at the mercy of some cosmic weather pattern?

Mulder, that's poetic nonsense, not a warning. The only toxic fuel I see here is your willingness to let superstition dictate your interpersonal conduct. Maybe keep your phone on airplane mode today, just in case your horoscope comes true?

Mulder, you're staring at your phone with a look that usually means you've found a new conspiracy theory. What's got your attention now?

Since when did you start trusting random horoscopes over scientific evidence? Are you expecting your phone to start beaming subliminal messages now?

Mulder, you sent three texts to Skinner this morning and two were about alien abductions. If that’s your idea of flirting, I think the only thing in danger is your professional reputation.

Mulder, last time you compared yourself to a household pet, you were convinced you were being haunted by a poltergeist with a taste for dog biscuits. Are you sure you’re not just using this as an excuse for questionable swiping on dating apps or ordering more of those alien-themed ties?

Mulder, seahorses are monogamous. I doubt they're endorsing shopping sprees or late-night texting. Maybe you should try following their example and untangle yourself from your phone for a while.